Captivity

I feel like I’m in prison I can’t go when I want to go and I can’t do what I need to do. My daughters are grown and I thought it was free time for me, hell I had more free time when they were home. Let me explain where my problems lie.

My holders are common things, my employment is one, my extended family is the other and I would say my spouse is one, but we don’t spend too much time together.

I wake up and prepare to go to the income maker; I teach and coach so my time is not an 8 to 5 job.  It’s more like at 7 to 7 job on some days and it usually involves Saturdays also. My employer makes me sign in and out, never paying for overtime, but will dock me if I’m late.  It doesn’t make sense to me since I’m a contracted state employee and not an hourly employee.  One branch of my contract said when I call you better answer.  WHAT THE WHAT!!!!!  Sometimes I just have to say no, my life doesn’t belong to you!

When I arrive home I have another job waiting on me, it’s one I’ve been trying to quit for years but my husband won’t let me.  It’s called foster care, God forgive me if I’m sinning against you when I say I’m tired of this! I deal with other people’s children from 7 to 7 and then I deal with state children from Sun up to sun down Monday through Sunday! Fighting bickering, breaking rules, crying, shouting, I’m done with it and I want out!

On weekends I’m usually 9 times out of 10 left with the boys, my daughter wanted to go to a fabric store this morning, I couldn’t go with her, I had to stay with the boys while my husband made a run.  I can’t go to the salon to get my hair done, toes done, or anything else in the morning unless I have to work, that’s usually the only way my mornings or Saturdays are mine.

My health is in danger and I can’t even etch out an hour to work out to take care of myself.  I’m too tired in the morning and too tired in the evening it hurts to put one foot in front of the other.

I’m held captive and I want to be free, I want to go to Kemah on a whim with my husband, I want to see Padre Island one day.  I want some times of spontaneity in my life.  I confess I’m disillusioned in my life, but I guess this is the hand I’ve been , until it changes or I change this is it.

Captivity

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